jump to navigation

Seniors vs inmates mv June 17, 2010

Posted by Ageless Dreamer Foundation in Ageless Dreamer.
Tags: , , ,
add a comment

Let’s put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks, they’d receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental, and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. and they’d receive money instead of paying.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool, and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.’s, and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a P.C., a T.V., radio, and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors, to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

The “criminals” would get cold food, be left all alone, unsupervised, lights off at 8 pm, and showers once a week.

Live in a tiny room, and pay $5,000.00 per month, and have no hope of ever getting out.

Justice for all!

Are You Ever Too Old to Orgy? December 7, 2009

Posted by Ageless Dreamer Foundation in Fun Stuff :).
Tags: , , , ,
1 comment so far

By Frank Kaiser
www.suddenlysenior.com

To the utter horror of our children, today’s seniors are pushing the sexual envelope in ways, some say, contrary to all that’s right and holy.

Used to be, by age 60, seniors were expected to hang it up, start acting their age, and prepare for the solemn business of departing this world.

No more. What with Viagra, Levitra and all the other Ra-Ra’s now available, even nonagenarians are behaving much like hormone-crazed teenagers, blithely ignoring both old-fashioned shame and open-mouthed stares.

Consider this story out of London:

Nine Oldsters Booted Out of Nursing Home –
For Trying to Have an Orgy!

Seems that a bunch of old goats, ranging in age from 73 to 98, schemed a secret sex party to celebrate the 90th birthday of one of the “girls.”

As a British newspaper reported, “The let-it-all-hang-out party took place just after midnight on October 28. The three wrinkly Romeos and six sagging seductresses gathered together in the rec room and stripped to the buff.”

Well, you can imagine the staff’s alarm and embarrassment when orderlies investigated rumba rumbling from the rec room. There, surrounded by candles and dressed in birthday suits slathered with baby oil, the horny nine were wing-dinging to lay canes in dusty corners.

“They hadn’t got too far,” a staffer was reported to say. “I guess it was taking some of the gents a while to started. But they were all naked. Believe me, it was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Well, get used to it!

Gramps and grannies have been doing the wild thing since Adam and Eve were deep into their Golden Years. That old leech Methuselah was 187 years old when he fathered Lamech. And that was long before either Viagra or the Internet.

These days, old coots are turning on to the Web in more ways than one. It’s but a click from Google to photo sites like “Old Tarts. The Secret Sex Lives of Old Women,” “Old ‘n’ Horny,” Gorgeous Grannies,” “Hot Gummer Babes” and “Nasty Old Widows” One site opines, “Some guys just like their women aged like fine wine.” To which another adds, “Grandma has been around the block and back again, aged to perfection.”

Science backs this up.

According to a recent Janus Report, “Seventy-four percent of women age 65 and older engaged weekly in sexual activity compared with 68 percent of women ages 18 to 26. And get this: Four of 10 old biddies claim they’d like to have sex even more often.

Wow! Kind of makes you regret that you wasted all those years being young, doesn’t it?

But here’s the dirty little secret: What older women want, men can’t deliver! At least that’s what the experts at SeniorSite believe. A global survey of 27,780 aged 40 to 80 from 30 countries found aging women become sexually dysfunctional at half the rate of men.

But isn’t that why God created Viagra?

And, yes, coffee. The Archives of Internal Medicine tells us that drinking a cup of Joe translates into “a higher rate of sexual activity in elderly women and a decreased prevalence of impotency among elderly men.” No one knows why. Some speculate that the brew promotes more liberal behavior, but if that were true, Democrats would now occupy the White House.

Whatever, coffee can’t hurt.

Even if it’s only because it keeps you awake longer, have a cup of java tonight before turning in with your creaky better half. May be just what you need to get a leg up on the situation. Remember, though, if you encounter an erection lasting four hours or more, don’t blame me.

And next time you happen onto an orgy and need yet another cane, please don’t call me. I’m trying to cut back on caffeine.
© 2005 – Frank Kaiser

Are You a Dreamer? September 23, 2008

Posted by Ageless Dreamer Foundation in Ageless Dreamer.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
add a comment

Fast forward a  short twenty-eight years from now and approximately 12 million of us will be turning 85 years old…never mind those turning the centenial age of 100 – which is the fastest growing demographic in America.

We currently live in a society that is searching for creative alternatives to how to take care of all the housing, care-giving, and medical needs for our oldest generation. And a way will be found. But what about the simple notion of dreaming? Will Care-Givers and adult children caring for their elders remember to ask them: Do you have a dream? Will anyone care? Or will they be so busy with basic day to day care giving responsibilities that they forget to ask?

Laurie 1965

Laurie 1965

Laurie Widmark

Laurie Now

Dreaming is ageless. And Laurie Widmark, Founder of the Ageless Dreamer, knows this from experience. As someone who’s father called her a dreamer as a teenager – and it wasn’t meant as a compliment – Laurie has taken her passion to prove it possible. It all started after the death of her twenty-three year old daughter in 1998 when she discovered she couldn’t listen to the “noise” on radio or TV wrapped around her grief. She needed instead, as she refers to it, “the loud, quiet sounds”. It was this time frame in her life, as she approached age fifty in 2000, that she decided there must be more than turning fifty than receiving AARP in the mail. She declared she was an “ageless dreamer” and set out to change the way society views its oldest generation and to help bridge the generation gap.

The Ageless Dreamer Foundation encourages our oldest generation to dream out loud, enhancing their quality of life. Laurie Widmark has been nominated for the 2008 Family Hero award in the June edition of Family Circle Magazine, and also the NH Real Estate Association 2008 Good Neighbor award for her efforts. She is often invited to speak to elder caregiver affiliate groups. A New Hampshire Real Estate Broker and Rotarian, she is asked to speak at Rotary Clubs, and 99% of the time brings a dream recipient to share the experience.

Copyright 2008 Laurie Widmark