By Frank Kaiser
www.suddenlysenior.com

To the utter horror of our children, today’s seniors are pushing the sexual envelope in ways, some say, contrary to all that’s right and holy.

Used to be, by age 60, seniors were expected to hang it up, start acting their age, and prepare for the solemn business of departing this world.

No more. What with Viagra, Levitra and all the other Ra-Ra’s now available, even nonagenarians are behaving much like hormone-crazed teenagers, blithely ignoring both old-fashioned shame and open-mouthed stares.

Consider this story out of London:

Nine Oldsters Booted Out of Nursing Home -
For Trying to Have an Orgy!

Seems that a bunch of old goats, ranging in age from 73 to 98, schemed a secret sex party to celebrate the 90th birthday of one of the “girls.”

As a British newspaper reported, “The let-it-all-hang-out party took place just after midnight on October 28. The three wrinkly Romeos and six sagging seductresses gathered together in the rec room and stripped to the buff.”

Well, you can imagine the staff’s alarm and embarrassment when orderlies investigated rumba rumbling from the rec room. There, surrounded by candles and dressed in birthday suits slathered with baby oil, the horny nine were wing-dinging to lay canes in dusty corners.

“They hadn’t got too far,” a staffer was reported to say. “I guess it was taking some of the gents a while to started. But they were all naked. Believe me, it was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Well, get used to it!

Gramps and grannies have been doing the wild thing since Adam and Eve were deep into their Golden Years. That old leech Methuselah was 187 years old when he fathered Lamech. And that was long before either Viagra or the Internet.

These days, old coots are turning on to the Web in more ways than one. It’s but a click from Google to photo sites like “Old Tarts. The Secret Sex Lives of Old Women,” “Old ‘n’ Horny,” Gorgeous Grannies,” “Hot Gummer Babes” and “Nasty Old Widows” One site opines, “Some guys just like their women aged like fine wine.” To which another adds, “Grandma has been around the block and back again, aged to perfection.”

Science backs this up.

According to a recent Janus Report, “Seventy-four percent of women age 65 and older engaged weekly in sexual activity compared with 68 percent of women ages 18 to 26. And get this: Four of 10 old biddies claim they’d like to have sex even more often.

Wow! Kind of makes you regret that you wasted all those years being young, doesn’t it?

But here’s the dirty little secret: What older women want, men can’t deliver! At least that’s what the experts at SeniorSite believe. A global survey of 27,780 aged 40 to 80 from 30 countries found aging women become sexually dysfunctional at half the rate of men.

But isn’t that why God created Viagra?

And, yes, coffee. The Archives of Internal Medicine tells us that drinking a cup of Joe translates into “a higher rate of sexual activity in elderly women and a decreased prevalence of impotency among elderly men.” No one knows why. Some speculate that the brew promotes more liberal behavior, but if that were true, Democrats would now occupy the White House.

Whatever, coffee can’t hurt.

Even if it’s only because it keeps you awake longer, have a cup of java tonight before turning in with your creaky better half. May be just what you need to get a leg up on the situation. Remember, though, if you encounter an erection lasting four hours or more, don’t blame me.

And next time you happen onto an orgy and need yet another cane, please don’t call me. I’m trying to cut back on caffeine.
© 2005 – Frank Kaiser

Once upon a time….a Ukrainian tale adapted by my Friedman tell the story of an old man who lived with his four sons who were treating him like a second class citizen each trying to pass him off to the next brother. When they decided they wanted to send their father away to “school”, the father wept as he told the story to a merchant. The merchant had a brilliant idea (actually he WAS brilliant) and shared a plan with the old man that would help him with his sons. Read the story and learn how the old man lived out his remaining years being treated like royalty by his sons. Such a change of hearts. After the old man died, the village elders smiled at the way the story ended. And you will too.

http://www.uclick.com/client/sni/ts/2009/11/22/

It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote and I’ve missed you all! A very sick spouse, with what the Doc says was H1N1, who’s finally, after almost six weeks, getting back on the healthy side — has kept me distracted from Blogging and Twittering away.  Amen to that….we count our blessings.  But no more excuses, it’s time to rock n’ roll…not dream and drool.

Focusing on the upbeat side of life: Disney Studios has done it again. But this time I think the animated film, called UP,  is meant to be seen by anyone who considers themself an  ageless dreamer.  I don’t want to give away the story – it’s both funny, adventuresome, sad, silly, and downright witty.  So, if you’re looking to indulge in a realy heartfelt adventure wrapped around some true realities of life and ageing, I’d recommend UP in a heartbeat. Let me know what you think.

Live for the ride.  That was Lura Johnson’s motto when she turned 100 years old in 2006 and for her next couple birthdays.  But it was her 100 and 101st birthdays that produced her signature smile and wave: Lura was a passenger in the sidecar of a Harley!  Thanks to her daughter who remembered to ask her Mom if she had a dream,  and the help of Ageless Dreamer, Lura’s ageless dream came true and she was one happy gal.  On November 1, 2009 Lura decided, at 103, that she was ready to ride a Harley in heaven and we trust she is.  To Motorcycle MaMa J.: Thanks for sharing your spirit and believing that you’re really never too old to dream. Ride on, smile on, and wave to us in our dreams!

Lura famous smile and wave

Do you remember the words to the song Beautiful Dreamer by Stephen Foster? (July 4, 1826 – January 13, 1864) Beautiful Dreamer written by Stephen Collins Foster 1862  If you do, hum along and read the words. Quite magical and beautiful tune.

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away
Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,
List while I woo thee with soft melody
Gone are the cares of life’s busy throng,
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea
Mermaids are counting the wild lorelie
Over the streamlet vapors are borne,
Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn
Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart,
E’en as the morn on the streamlet and sea
Then will all clouds of sorrow depart
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me

Did I ever tell you about my parents?  Dad’s 91 in March and Mom’s 88 in December. Are you ready for this?  They’ll be married 67 years come May 2010.  Can you imagine?  Phew. I don’t know how she did it accept she encouraged him to go deep sea fishing almost every weekend when we were growing up.  The “we” is five daughters – all Baby Boomers.  And we only had ONE bathroom!    Yes, you read that right: Five girls (plus Mom) and ONE bathroom.  We lived in a cape cod style home that Mom and Dad built in Massachusetts, before it was taken by eminent domain by the state, just after their first mortgage burning party. Not a happy time when the bridge over Lake Quinsigamond was built and POOF both our house and my grandparents next door lost their properties. Oh sure, they got a little bit of money — something like $ 19,000. before legal fees.  But that’s another story.

This one is about tomorrow. My husband and I are taking Mom and Dad  to Washington, DC to cross one more item off their bucket list.  An Army Vet, Dad dreams of seeing the WWII Memorial and Arlington National Cemetary.  Mom dreams of Dad having his dream.  So we go for four days down memory lane — rain or shine.  I’m bringing an umbrella and Flip Video to document Dad’s experience with his first, and most likely, last visit to see the Memorial that was built to honor all the Vet’s from WWII.    It will be an emotional time, I’m sure.

By the way: the second and last home they still live in also has only ONE bathroom.  Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned from that, although I don’t know what it might be. Please let me know if you have  any ideas.

 We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are !

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1.  Try everything twice.

On one woman’s tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:

“Tried everything twice, loved it both times!”

2.  Keep only cheerful , positive friends.

The grouches pull you down.

(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.

Never let the brain get idle.  ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop..’ 

And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.

Laugh until you gasp for breath.

And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,

Spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

 
6.. The tears happen:

Endure, grieve, and move on.

 The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.

LIVE while you are alive..

7. Surround yourself with what you love:

Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.

Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:

If it is good, preserve it.

If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. 

 Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country,

but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

I love you, my special friend.

 11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.

And if you don’t send this to at least 4 people – who cares?

But do share this with someone.

Remember! Lost time can never be found.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Yes, I’m hooked on the book: The Art of Possibility.  I keep finding the brilliant nuggets that keep bringing me back to how it relates to Ageless Dreamer.  Ben writes about a Taiwanese student who, “in a brilliant flash”, had hit upon the secret of life. This student realized that the “labels he had been taking so seriously are human inventions — it’s all a game.”  The student explained it this way: “I was number 68 out of 70 student. I come to Boston and Mr. Zander says I am an A. Very confusing. I walk about, three weeks, very confused. I am Number 68, but Mr. Zander says I am an A student….I am Number 68, but Mr. Zander says I am an A. One day I discover much happier A than Number 68. So I decide I am an A.”

And so today, I am going to give the idea of Ageless Dreamer an A.  A great big giant A.  If it’s all invented anyway, I’m going to choose to invent something that, as Ben Zander says, “brightens our life and the lives of the people around us.”  It may be that Ageless Dreamer is re-inventing itself so that it will spring board up, instead of spiral down — as he calls it.  In the “university of possibility, you set the context and let life unfold.” That’s exactly what I intend to do with Ageless Dreamer. 

Thank you, Ben!

That’s where Ageless Dreamer and The Art of Possibility naturally come together.  In his book, The Art of Possibility, Ben Zander writes about a talk he was invited to give at a Jewish home for the elderly (pg.64).  When he arrived at the rather dingy hall 10 minutes before he was to begin only one person was sitting in the fifth row of a bank of folding chairs. The woman, Sarah, chatted with him for a moment and he asked her to move up to  a seat nearer the front. Sarah declared: “I always sit here.”  Ben good-naturedly challenged her, saying, “who knows, Sarah, if you change your seat maybe something new will happen today.”

“Are you crazy? At my age?  I’m eighty-three!”  By now, Ben writes, she was standing, and, as if to prove him wrong, she actually moved, from the fifth row to the fourth. After wondering if anyone else would be coming to hear him speak the remaining chairs gradually filled and shortly after he scheduled time to begin a sizable group was ready to begin.  It turns out, Sarah was by no means the oldest; one member of the audience was 103.  The topic was “New Possibilities”. 

Ben shared some heartfelt stories  about his Father and his wonderful sense of humor. The audience laughed and sang with him “igniting the air in the once-dingy room.”  And this is where I yellow highlighted another sentence he wrote: “We challenged assumptions about old age and pointed toward some new beginnings.”   So does Ageless Dreamer.

That’s what Ageless Dreamer, since January 2006, has been working to do – challenge assumptions about old age. Encourage our oldest generation to dream out loud and remind caregivers and adult children to engage them in conversations that enhance their quality of life.  And, as author Elizabeth Coatsworth wrote when she was in her eighties, “When I dream, I am ageless.”  So am I.